When Matt, a missionary with Chi Alpha, agreed to tell me about the work God had done in his life, I invited him to my home. I wanted my son, Tim, who was starting college in the fall, to meet Matt, and I thought the house would be quiet.
Within five minutes of Matt’s arrival, Tim walked out the door on his way to work. So much for the beneficial meeting I had envisioned between them. I focused my camera on Matt and pressed record. As I was filming, my dog suddenly appeared at the window behind him and barked, demanding to be let back into the house—ruining my hope for a noise-free recording.
Most Christians I talk to have a defining moment marking when they converted to Christianity. Not so with Matt. Steeped in religion from birth, he “always was” a Christian. He made a commitment to Christ when he was four years old but wasn’t sure it registered in God’s Book of Life. He prayed with his father after watching a Billy Graham Crusade when he was ten but still didn’t trust God to guide his life.
“I spent my childhood calculating my batting average with God. I thought God loved me because I was good and knew a lot about the Bible,” said Matt. He recalled the time his parents were playing Bible Trivia with friends and were stumped by a question. He overheard their discussion and announced the answer. The ensuing awe and praise that one so young could possess such knowledge established in their minds Matt’s destiny to be a minister.
Matt’s ideal Christian family life shattered when his parents divorced. He remained with his father, whose badly shaken faith made their church attendance sporadic. Matt continued the motions of Christianity, but his heart drifted far from God. By the time he entered high school, he was addicted to internet pornography.
“I hated myself,” said Matt. “I was still the good kid telling people how they needed to serve God, but I had this dark secret that I couldn’t tell anyone.”
Matt’s downward spiral came to his father’s attention. “If you keep pursuing this path,” his father warned, “it’s not going to end well.” Halfway through Matt’s sophomore year of high school, his father’s counsel finally registered, and a desire to know God entered Matt’s heart. “I wanted to read the Bible, but not as a religious duty. I wanted to pray, but not because I was going to eat or go to bed. For the first time in my life, I wanted to hear from God.”
His attendance at a Christian camp the following summer had a profound effect on his life. The teenagers he met resonated with a spiritual reality. Their relationship with God was based on a genuine love for Him instead of being “a good kid.” Realizing his efforts to earn God’s favor with a good life were vain, Matt prayed three powerful words: “I give up.”
During one of the chapel services at the camp, Matt answered an altar call for anyone who had an addiction. He was so ashamed of his addiction to pornography that he moved to the farthest corner of the altar. “No one prayed for me that night,” said Matt. “When I admitted to God that I had a problem, I felt something break within me. The compulsion to sit in front of the internet for hours viewing pornography left and never returned.”
During Matt’s junior year of high school, a friend invited him to attend a revival meeting led by Evangelist Sam Rijfkogel. Before the revival ended, the power of God transformed both Matt’s and his father’s lives. His father rededicated his life to Christ. Matt learned the meaning of grace.
“I went to the altar for salvation two, sometimes three, times a week,” said Matt. “But I feel like I really got saved sitting in my car in the church parking lot. That is where I accepted grace.” Matt had listened to a conversation on Christian radio while driving to church. A man explained how he had accepted Christ, was baptized in water, and then later thought he wasn’t right with God. He kept accepting Christ and getting baptized over and over until someone explained to him that God’s grace is sufficient. Matt parked his car in front of the church, rested his forehead on the steering wheel, and wept.
He didn’t have to make himself “good enough” for God. There was nothing he could do to add to or take away from God’s grace. For the second time in his life, Matt prayed three powerful words: “I give up.” He never felt the need to approach the altar for salvation again.
The beneficial meeting I’d planned for my son never materialized. My recording of Matt’s story is laced with my dog’s howls of protest. All was not lost. Matt taught me the power of surrender. We find liberty to receive a gift that cannot be earned when we “give up.”
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